Put On Your Cherry Chapstick; This Ain't No Peck On the Lips — This is KISS!! An Interview
Hey... looks like that soft-hitting journalist is back at it again! You better watch out! I heard her articles are like cotton candy — they're sweet but they don't exactly leave you satiated.
Jennifer Jane from down on the lane is here again with everyone's favorite anarchist, Bobby Pins! Today's interview is based on a photo of Pins in a KISS costume. Is he a young boy struggling with fandom or a future leader of America?
Hey Bobby Pins, how are you?
Just start the questions!
Doing well I see... Alright, so you remember that band KISS, right?
They were good huh?
Not so much.
What?! So then what's with this photo of you showing your complete childhood fandom allegiance to KISS?
[Paintings made of the original Pins photo, by myself and Pins]
Well, children have young supple brains that are vulnerable to advertisements. They would advertise KISS albums during Saturday morning cartoons. After several weeks, I succumbed, and I asked my mom to buy me the album. She said no.
I guess she thought it was good parenting.
Yeah, but that doesn't explain the photo.
Oh, well I kept badgering her until finally she gave in and bought me a KISS Halloween costume.
That makes sense, considering the amount of KISS merchandise that was made and available across the world, but why?
Because it was on sale and it was after Halloween.
No, why buy you the costume and not the album, or at least a lunch box?
Oh I don't know why, but it was after Halloween, so she let me wear it to Thanksgiving.
Please tell me you wore this in front of your whole family!?
Of course — it was Thanksgiving.
Did you eat Thanksgiving dinner through the mouth of the mask?
To my recollection, no.
Did you eat turkey all night and mashed potatoes all day?
No, I ate a portion appropriate to a 5 year old boy, that's all.
It was Dynasty.
So now that you're all grown up, have you bought yourself a KISS album, finally?
No, it was just a phase I went through at the age of 5. When I eventually listened to them, I was like, "Oh... this isn't very good." Later on in life, I heard the Paul Stanley bootleg; "People Let Me Get This Off My Chest," and it had equal parts that were amazing and equal parts that were horrific. Based on that... I saw KISS in a new light... a very dim light... but new.
Personally, I'm a fan of KISS. I really could rock 'n' roll all night and party everyday!
So Pins never beame a full-fledged member of the KISS army. So what? They have billions of members. One Pins wouldn't make a difference, even if he is a possible future leader of America.
If any readers are enlisted in the KISS army — represent in the comments.